Sydney White

** out of *****

The lack of an online image of the movie's poster says volumes about the faith studio execs had in its ability to make "the cash."

They were right, of course.

Sydney White is a modern retelling of Snow White, set during Sydney's freshman year at fictional Southern Atlantic University. This would have been more apparent had they gone with the original title, Sydney White and the Seven Dorks, but I guess they feared a backlash from dorks. Hey - I still went to see the movie, albeit not entirely voluntarily, so could the dork reference have hurt them that much?

There are a few clever references to the original story - the evil sorority girl constantly checks the campus "Hot or Not" (Hot or Not? Is this 1995?) website, saying to no one in particular the first time she sits to check it, "Am I still the fairest of them all?" The poisoned apple that puts Sydney to sleep is her iBook, which is hacked into by evil forces, forcing her to pull an all-nighter to rewrite a crucial paper (for the only class she appears to be taking in the movie) and sleep all day, almost missing a crucial moment in the climax of the film.

Much of the chance this movie had to be successful with me went right out the window from the start when I laid eyes on Amanda Bynes. Don't misunderstand - Your RHS ain't hatin' now, and he doesn't have anything against the young Ms. Bynes. Her fake-bake tan in the movie, however, was easily the worst makeup job I've seen in a wide release motion picture in years. It's so bad as to be distracting for the entire film. She's ORANGE, fer Pete's sake.

Sydney White was great for people who love Disney Channel movies or John Schneider cameos (and you know I love one of those!), but outside of that dedicated group, it won't keep you interested for any length of time.

3:10 to Yuma

**** out of *****

I know - it's a big surprise that Your RHS liked a Western.

I was curious to see a New Zealander and a Welshman (don't you think Christian Bale runs like a Welshman?) slide into the iconic American roles of rancher and outlaw.

Good Lord were Russell Crowe and the aforementioned Welshman good in this film.

It's a rather familiar storyline in a Western - right takes on wrong, but exactly who is right and who is wrong is difficult to decipher at several points in the film. Crowe's outlaw goes back and forth from bandit with at least a spleen of gold to cold-hearted cutthroat who'd rather kill you than look at you, and Bale's rancher lets his motivation for 'doing good' drift back and forth from doing it for his kids to doing it for the money to doing it because its right.

The final act of the film I found particularly enjoyable, helping 3:10 to Yuma assume the title of "Best Western I've seen since Unforgiven." Excellent film. If you enjoy Westerns, you can not go wrong with 3:10 to Yuma.

The Simpsons

*** out of *****

I would have thought 1997 a more appropriate and opportune release window for The Simpsons Movie than 2007, but hey - I'm just a lowly worker in "the biz", and the folks at Fox are very very smart.

Very very very smart.

And talented! So talented they produced half a Simpsons movie that lived up to - nay, exceeded - expectations. I have to admit that the first hour or so of the movie tickled my funny bone in a way I thought it would never be tickled by the Simpsons again.
I even downloaded a Spider Pig ringtone - the Hans Zimmer overly dramatic movie score version, thank you very much - because I LOVED THAT PIG.

Once the family moved to Alaska...eh. It was OK, but nothing special.

In fairness to the folks who made the movie, I thought the shelf life of such a project had expired long ago, and expected very little from them. As it stands, I was entertained, and that's always a Good Thing.

I'm still wondering why Ahh-nuld was president in the movie, and not Ranier Wolfcastle, but that's a mild quibble at best.

A bigger quibble - what happened to the pig? Enquiring minds want to know!

The Brothers Solomon

** out of *****

I saw ads for this movie, heard people say how terrible it looked, and still wanted to see it.

I heard direct comments from people who saw the movie on opening weekend who hated it more than you can ever imagine, and I still wanted to see it.

I read that the studio released it on only 700 screens in an effort to dump it as quickly as possible, and I still wanted to see it.

I saw that it finished 24th at the box office on its opening weekend with a gross just under $600,000, and I still wanted to see it.

With those impossibly high standards in mind, I took in The Brothers Solomon.

Everyone who walked out of this movie before it ended - justified. Everyone who stumbled out after the credits with a stunned look on their face - justified. Everyone who made it a point of saying how terrible and horrible and no good very bad this film was - justified.

I laughed. Often.

The Brothers Solomon is a bad movie. It does not try to be a good movie. Aside from a terrible span in the final act, the movie is at least watchable, and had a strange knack for turning what started as tired gags into clever jokes at the end.

However, the movie plodded in places and lost its ability to entertain in others.

It gets one star for making me laugh in places, and one star for wheeling Lee Majors' still-living-yet-obviously-embalmed corpse onto the set every day.

Also - a high Chi McBride content in a stupid comedy is never bad thing.

Wait for it to be on Comedy Central, friends, and then hope that you've still got a few PBR's in the 'fridge to make it funnier.

Balls of Fury

*** out of *****

Those of you who know Your RHS know that he enjoys dumb comedy - nay, he lives for it. Dumb comedies make the world go 'round for this guy.

Hence it should come as no surprise that I made it to my local movie house to take in a showing of Balls of Fury.

Many of the elements were there for a successful stupid film - ridiculous premise, Christopher Walken, that guy who played Snotty in Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise - yet when all was said and done something seemed to be missing. I laughed many a time, and I'm sure repeated viewings will make it an even better film, but some things just didn't click.

I don't enjoy saying this about any dumb comedy, but the plot felt rushed, and the romantic storyline felt strained and awkward. The writers couldn't seem to make up their mind whether they were spoofing Bruce Lee movies or making a wacky ping pong film.

That being said, the opening flashback sequence is priceless, and Diedrich Bader shows up in a KICK ASS cameo.

Did I mention the Revenge of the Nerds 2 connection? Maybe I forgot to mention that. I should.

It's no La Bamba, but Balls of Fury will do in a pinch.

Yes, I know the guy's name is James Hong. Did you know that without looking it up?