Your RHS is still jiggy, phat, fly, and dope

You know how Your RHS loves his sports.

You know he's "Down With It" when it comes to the hip-hop. Kool Moe Dee, Young Emcee, Oh Dee Bee - I love them all.

That is why this caused me to giggle like an eight-year-old school girl this morning. When life hands you lemons, ditch them and look for giggles on the internet.

The only end, my friend

I shall not post a lengthy diatribe about the ignominious end of the Iowa football season.

I will merely point out that Kirk Ferentz - a man that can coach a football team, no question about it - is making almost $3 million a season, and over the past three years his won/loss record is 19-19.

His team's arrest record is much worse.

Earn your money, Kirk.

I'll be waiting patiently to see what changes are made in the offseason - and if there aren't changes, I imagine some Iowa fans are going to be more than a little peeved.

He's infringing on my decrees!

I've always felt that I would make a good king, or at least a kick ass duke.

Now I realize Juan Carlos is my royal idol.

When do the rest of us get our chance?

How did...














take a team from...














into gridiron combat with THE...














University and come out with a ...











?

Man - if the Gobbledy Zooker had managed to squeak one out against Iowa...they'd be staring the BCS directly in the face. Go Zooker!

Meanwhile, Iowa is staring Phoenix or Orlando (or, God help us, Detroit) squarely in the face. I am absolutely shocked that the ol' Captain got the troops whipped into shape like he did. I foresaw a 3 or 4 win season not all that long ago, and now a win against a somewhat hapless Western Michigan team this Saturday makes Iowa 7-5 - more wins than they had last year.

Do not forget, tailgate attendees - the tailgate this Saturday has been proclaimed the 'Stache Bash. Apparently, males who show up sans mustache will be snickered at and will not be allowed to think they're cool because they don't have a mustache.

I've also been told that a mustache in conjunction with other facial hair is a no go. 'Staches only. We'll see.

Kudos

The fellas over at sportscliche.com have helped me sum up Iowa's late season surge in true color commentator form:

He's a good X's and O's coach. He runs a squeaky-clean program. They're a blue collar team. They've gone to a youth movement. They've got tremendous mental toughness. They're a dark horse team. This team is showing flashes of brilliance. They're finally hitting their stride. This team is really starting to gel. This team is starting to make some noise. This could be a sleeper team. They're a team to be reckoned with. Everybody's on the same page. The players have bought into the system. This team is not going to sneak up on anybody. This team has turned the corner. This team has raised the bar. They've gotten over the hump. This team has finally gotten off the schneid. This team travels well. Those players form their nucleus. He's really whipped them into shape. He's got them headed in the right direction. This team takes on the personality of their coach. He must challenge his players. These guys have been working their tails off. These guys have been busting their butts. They're finally getting the respect they deserve. They've been playing with confidence. They've got great team chemistry. This team is like a family. They've got die-hard fans. You have to respect their quickness. You have to respect their athleticism. You have to respect their physicality. They do a great job defensively. They're a multi-faceted team. They're an offensive-minded team. They have a high-octane offense. They have a potent offense. They've got a lot of depth. They pride themselves on their defense. They have a stingy defense. They have a swarming defense. They play tough "D". They play punishing defense. They’ve been on a roll. They’re over-achievers. They can go the distance. They won't be denied. They strike fear in the hearts of their opponents. They’ve come out of nowhere. They’ve returned from oblivion. What an incredible turnaround. They’re a better team than their record indicates. They're no pushovers. They give you so many different looks. They have a lot of weapons. They've got a tremendous ballclub. They can put up big numbers. They’re a team of destiny. They're playing within themselves. They're taking it one game at a time. They're on a mission.

I'll say it - God bless the sports cliche. Did you know Clark Kellogg coined the term physicality? I needed another reason to hate his guts. Thank you, Clark!

I value your input

I was sitting here today, brooding over the fact that I'm going to miss the Iowa/Minnesota game, and I got to thinking - what about the gameday experience annoys me? What's tired? What's played?

Specifically, I was thinking how I shake my head a little every time they crank Start Me Up over the loudspeakers before a kickoff.

Tired. Played.

Jangling keys during a kickoff?

Tired. Played.

The people who sit 10 rows behind me who once last season shouted "HALF THE DISTANCE TO THE GOAL!" when the other team was penalized while on the Iowa 2 yard line and have proceeded to do it for every opposition penalty since that point?

Tired. Played.

What do you like about being at a live football game? What do you wish would go away permanently?

(Iowa 23, Minnesota 17, in case you wondered.)

Style!

The Fisherpriceman brings up another recent passing - Porter Wagoner - which I had failed to note (mostly because I thought he died yeeears ago). If you haven't seen the video clip of he and Dolly belting out Daddy Was an Old Time Preacher Man over on FPM's blog, do so. I did.

Which brings us to the point of this post. That suit ol' Porter was wearing was a Nudie suit, and a lot of people can't even be in the same room with such an outfit without expressing their emotions in such ways as "ROFL" and "LMAO". I, however, think it's high time the damned things made a comeback in country music. Why? I'm glad you asked!

Here we see Gram Parsons (undoubtedly during his Flying Burrito Brothers days) rocking his own Nudie suit. Notice the clever rhinestone herbs on the jacket via which Gram says, "Hey, brother - you back in the 30th row - go ahead and spark up, brother, because it's all groovy with me."

The back featured a red cross, perhaps meant to tell that same guy in the 30th row to be sorry he burned a burrito torpedo in the presence of his wife and child.

(I have to confess at this point that I was KISS in concert during their non-makeup days. In front of me sat a middle aged guy who brought his wife, his two young sons, and his sweet sweet sticky. Impressive parenting.)

Here's a shot of the aforementioned Porter Wagoner from behind at the Grand Ole Opry. Porter might have worried fans would forget his name. I'm not sure.

Before you ask - no, it is absolutely positively not possible for a Nudie suit to be "gaudy" or "too busy". Nudie Cohn would spin in his grave if you thought such a thing. Please do not. Grave spinning is illegal where Nudie is buried.

I hope Porter Wagoner was buried in a Nudie suit. I really do. I spent a few days in Ottumwa for a wedding last year, and one of the high points was waking up in the hotel to a Sunday morning rebroadcast of the old Porter Wagoner show. At least, I think it was the Porter Wagoner show. The glare from the suits was a little much to take at 7 am on a Sunday.

Here's Nudie himself, rocking one of his finer suits. Ever get a good giggle (or drunken satisfaction) out of singing along with Rhinestone Cowboy? Stop thanking Glen Campbell - without Nudka "Nudie" Cohn, there wouldn't be any rhinestone cowboys. Like Elvis in his gold lame suit? That was Nudie as well. Charged the Colonel $10,000 for a suit that cost him $500 to make. I think they both made out pretty well in the end.

There's just no sparkle or pizzazz anymore, ya know? Little Jimmy Dickens has a closet full of Nudie suits. Kenny Chesney cuts the sleeves off of his casual dress shirts. Webb Pierce had an awesome Nudie suit featuring himself behind bars plucking a guitar - all because he recorded a popular version of In the Jailhouse Now. Toby Keith has a beat-up straw cowboy hat that could have come from Wal-Mart.

What ever happened to the spectacle? The style? Hell, even when everyone was wearing a Nudie suit on stage no one looked alike. Buck Owens, Roy Rogers and Hank Williams loved them enough to be buried in them. Do you honestly think Alan Jackson wants to meet his maker in a white cowboy hat and jeans? I truly believe Roy Rogers wanted to meet the Almighty wearing his finest Nudie suit. I only hope Dale did the same.

If you take nothing else away from this brief rant, dear reader, take this - country music has a long and (obviously) colorful history that has been trampled on over the last 10-15 years. You may laugh at the Nudie suits, but I still listen to every Nudie-suit-wearing artist listed in this rant on a fairly regular basis. They recorded music that reflected their own personal tastes and their individuality. Today's country artists are just looking to get another top ten hit out there so Sean Hannity will invite them to play a Freedom Concert somewhere, hopefully boosting sales a little more.

The industry has finally won, the artists have finally lost, and we're all a little worse off for the war.