Style!

The Fisherpriceman brings up another recent passing - Porter Wagoner - which I had failed to note (mostly because I thought he died yeeears ago). If you haven't seen the video clip of he and Dolly belting out Daddy Was an Old Time Preacher Man over on FPM's blog, do so. I did.

Which brings us to the point of this post. That suit ol' Porter was wearing was a Nudie suit, and a lot of people can't even be in the same room with such an outfit without expressing their emotions in such ways as "ROFL" and "LMAO". I, however, think it's high time the damned things made a comeback in country music. Why? I'm glad you asked!

Here we see Gram Parsons (undoubtedly during his Flying Burrito Brothers days) rocking his own Nudie suit. Notice the clever rhinestone herbs on the jacket via which Gram says, "Hey, brother - you back in the 30th row - go ahead and spark up, brother, because it's all groovy with me."

The back featured a red cross, perhaps meant to tell that same guy in the 30th row to be sorry he burned a burrito torpedo in the presence of his wife and child.

(I have to confess at this point that I was KISS in concert during their non-makeup days. In front of me sat a middle aged guy who brought his wife, his two young sons, and his sweet sweet sticky. Impressive parenting.)

Here's a shot of the aforementioned Porter Wagoner from behind at the Grand Ole Opry. Porter might have worried fans would forget his name. I'm not sure.

Before you ask - no, it is absolutely positively not possible for a Nudie suit to be "gaudy" or "too busy". Nudie Cohn would spin in his grave if you thought such a thing. Please do not. Grave spinning is illegal where Nudie is buried.

I hope Porter Wagoner was buried in a Nudie suit. I really do. I spent a few days in Ottumwa for a wedding last year, and one of the high points was waking up in the hotel to a Sunday morning rebroadcast of the old Porter Wagoner show. At least, I think it was the Porter Wagoner show. The glare from the suits was a little much to take at 7 am on a Sunday.

Here's Nudie himself, rocking one of his finer suits. Ever get a good giggle (or drunken satisfaction) out of singing along with Rhinestone Cowboy? Stop thanking Glen Campbell - without Nudka "Nudie" Cohn, there wouldn't be any rhinestone cowboys. Like Elvis in his gold lame suit? That was Nudie as well. Charged the Colonel $10,000 for a suit that cost him $500 to make. I think they both made out pretty well in the end.

There's just no sparkle or pizzazz anymore, ya know? Little Jimmy Dickens has a closet full of Nudie suits. Kenny Chesney cuts the sleeves off of his casual dress shirts. Webb Pierce had an awesome Nudie suit featuring himself behind bars plucking a guitar - all because he recorded a popular version of In the Jailhouse Now. Toby Keith has a beat-up straw cowboy hat that could have come from Wal-Mart.

What ever happened to the spectacle? The style? Hell, even when everyone was wearing a Nudie suit on stage no one looked alike. Buck Owens, Roy Rogers and Hank Williams loved them enough to be buried in them. Do you honestly think Alan Jackson wants to meet his maker in a white cowboy hat and jeans? I truly believe Roy Rogers wanted to meet the Almighty wearing his finest Nudie suit. I only hope Dale did the same.

If you take nothing else away from this brief rant, dear reader, take this - country music has a long and (obviously) colorful history that has been trampled on over the last 10-15 years. You may laugh at the Nudie suits, but I still listen to every Nudie-suit-wearing artist listed in this rant on a fairly regular basis. They recorded music that reflected their own personal tastes and their individuality. Today's country artists are just looking to get another top ten hit out there so Sean Hannity will invite them to play a Freedom Concert somewhere, hopefully boosting sales a little more.

The industry has finally won, the artists have finally lost, and we're all a little worse off for the war.